anxiety, anzacs, baby and toddler, baby led weaning, bad week, baking, biscuits, camping, cooking, CPTSD, diy, missy higgins, music, ptsd, reading, recipes, repurpose, Saree, Sari, sewing novice, Tim Minchin, toys, university, upcycle, winter, wrap top

Week Eleven. Remembering.

Right now I can’t for the life of me remember what I was going to write about… 

This week has gone so quickly.

We made Anzacs (as we always do) and danced in the kitchen to Missy Higgins 

I adore the painting on the right but photo for recognitions sake.

(Bub especially loves this song, and now sings the chorus – well part of it. Calls it the Anzac Song.  I especially love this  song- being a frustrated artist)

Truth be told I love all of her music and have a particular soft spot for this . Its especially good after arguments with people you love.

Which happens when they misplace things when you moved house in Febuary and still have no idea where they are. (Yes, I am looking at you, Big M) So that ate up some week.

Then there was this STUPID AND IDIOTIC “postal survey” (plebiscite makes more sense- thought up by plebs. Anyone else do Latin at school? Anyone?) announced in Australia. It has made me rather upset. The amazing and brilliant Tim Minchin sums it up best here and quite simply I believe this :-

Anyway. There was that.

 I also did a spot of sewing- we’re going to my cousins wedding in September up in QLD and I’m s-l-o-w-l-y making my way through a pages long to do list (mostly pin inspired).

At the top is “Make E’s Wedding Dress” and yes, we all had a good laugh at that one.

I wanted to make her something that reminded her of a Sari as she often asks to wear one (her passion for Bollywood undimmed)

After looking at so, so, so many patterns for dresses for babies and toddlers. I found this one. For a reversible wrap top. 

 (Actually first I found this 

but I really didn’t want to pay for a pattern and the handy image search corner thing found the top for me).

So I printed out the pattern, then traced it onto baking paper and made it longer and cut it out of some beautiful but very thin Indian cotton I had bought on eBay and some equally beautiful broderie anglais. Also from eBay.

After thinking about it overnight I realised two things. 1. That they would not work as a lining for each other and 2. That I’d cut out one too few front prices and that would have looked very wrong. (One shoulder wrap dress on toddler. Not good)

So the next day I cut out another front piece from the cotton and some lining from Calico and tried to pin it all together. Discovery of the week- pins are like hair elastics- they vanish.

Anyway- I was being careful and taking my time so, yes, the next day I sewed it all together following the instructions – which are actually quite simplre I’d imagine especially so for a slightly more experienced seamstress.

I ended up with a dress which looked okay on the Indian cotton side and lovely on the calico. I hung it up overnight as apparently this helps with hemming.

That night I thought again and realised my mistakes. 

The next day I fixed them (sew all edges except the bottom hem first, then seam the sides with the fabric you like least outwards).

I even used a decorative stitch.

Tried it on Bub, hemmed it. Done. One wedding dress that I don’t have a finished picture of. Although here is the next best thing- pre hemming and adding of ties:-

 I will have a “proper” picture though- when I finish the pants to go underneath it and make the front panel end in a curve not a point and I’ll put it here 

And now, of course, I’ve remembered what we did do that was new….but we haven’t finished it yet, so that will have to wait for next week.

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anxiety, baby and toddler, bad week, baking, biscuits, Bollywood, calm for baby, carers, CPTSD, diy, mental illness, mindfulness, post natal anxiety, pre natal anxiety, ptsd, quotes, reading, stress, understanding, winter

Week 9 The Monsters in our Heads

I want to curl up and watch “2 Penttutikal” but this blog keeps snapping at the back of my mind like my childhood Australian terrier and our postman (yup- my dog used to actually chase (And bite) the postman)

I have (amongst other things) PTSD. That is one of the few boxes I’ve been put in that made sense. 

Big M my its-so-bloody-complicated-and-not-for-this-post is my Carer.

If we didn’t have kids, people might see things differently.

If I had physical therapy, was in a wheel chair or had a cast, people might see things differently.

If I was vomiting from radiation or even just had a run of nasty virus'(knock on all wooden objects within sight) people might see things differently –less likely in this medicate and get on with it world but still…

If every day Big M got up and went to someone else’s house dressed in a snazzy polo shirt with a logo, while a different person in said snazzy polo shirt came here, people might see things differently.

Just look at those snazzy button up shirts (nothing against outside care at all- people who do this as a job ROCK)

As it is we are two stay at home parents ( to most)

To some : I’m not doing brilliantly, he’s my Carer but – so?

 To very few we are both coping – Big M with a 18/7 job and I with being a full time Mum with PTSD, ANA, GAD and BPD (plus even more abbreviations irrelivant to this post).

These people are few and far between (And much appreciated)

On a bad day Big M isn’t even one of them.

On a bad day caring for me isn’t a job or responsibility – it’s a hinderence.

On a very bad day I offer to get in another Carer or leave so he can manage others expectations and his wants and I can look after what bub and I need.

It’s been a very bad week.

Because in my mind- and in  some others I’m meant to just cope when this bugger of a disease interferes withmy plans and thus their plans either for me, Big M or my children.

I’m fairly sure no one would tell an obstetrician they should have skipped the birth of one of their patients because it meant they and their partner who had to stay home for the kids missed a dinner party.

I can imagine the conversation:

“But couldn’t you have just ignored your pager? I checked you were coming three days ago and you said yes!. Surely you could just have just ignored her? And I can’t believe Matt didn’t turn up- toddlers are okay on their own”

 Ok – appalling example but thats because there isn’t one that matches.

There is nothing quite like the hell of being told what you can and cannot do by experiences you lived half a life ago that won’t leave you alone.

The irony of a disorder that makes you desperate for contact with people but then finding it impossible to cope with.

And then that people resent you for needing the supports you have put in place – it’s like that thing in primary school where everyone wanted a go on the crutches when someone sprained their ankle. Except no one gives them back when the bell rings.

I just wish everybody knew I’m doing the best that I can but that my absolute best will always always be reserved for my youngest, then the rest of my little lot.

I wish they could be understanding. Hell, I just wish they were okay with it.

And to anyone out there going through this- one person gets it. Just one voice but (trust me) better than none.

Which is why if nothing else came out of this week at least I found pins like this one :

And this one:

 And this one

which led to this post.
 So there, task complete.

Read on for some helpful info :